By Will Duru, BSc (Hons) Sport and Exercise Science, Award-winning Personal Trainer with over 10 years of experience in strength training and optimising recovery.
You’re staring at a machine like it’s a spaceship. You have no idea which lever adjusts the seat, where your legs are supposed to go, or what muscle this contraption is even designed to work. The thought of asking someone for help is more terrifying than the workout itself. Sound familiar?
As a personal trainer, I wish more people would ask for help! It’s my job, and I genuinely love it. There’s nothing more satisfying than helping someone understand a new exercise or figure out a piece of equipment. But I know it can be intimidating. I’ve seen so many people give up on an exercise, wander away from equipment looking defeated, or worse, attempt something incorrectly and risk injury, all because they were too embarrassed to ask a simple question. My passion is to make the gym a less scary place for everyone, and asking for help is a crucial part of that.
This article will give you the exact words to say and the confidence to ask for help, whether it’s from a trainer, staff member, or another person in the gym. By the end, you’ll have a scriptbook of phrases you can use in any situation, and you’ll understand that asking for help is actually one of the smartest things you can do.
Why We're Afraid to Ask
Before we get to the solutions, let’s acknowledge why this feels so difficult. Understanding the psychology behind your hesitation can help you overcome it.
Fear of Looking Stupid
The number one fear is looking like you don’t know what you’re doing. There’s this irrational but powerful belief that everyone else in the gym was born knowing how to use a cable machine or perform a perfect deadlift. Here’s the truth: everyone was a beginner once. Every single person who looks confident and knowledgeable now had a first day where they felt completely lost.
The people who look like they know what they’re doing? They asked questions. They watched videos. They hired trainers. They made mistakes and learned from them. The difference between them and someone who stays stuck is that they were willing to look temporarily foolish in order to learn. Nobody judges you for asking a question. If anything, people respect the initiative.
Fear of Bothering Others
This is the second biggest barrier: the worry that you’re interrupting someone’s workout and wasting their time. I understand this concern because it comes from a place of consideration and respect. However, most gym-goers are genuinely happy to help, as long as you’re respectful of their time and approach them at the right moment.
Think about it from the other side: if someone asked you for quick directions while you were out walking, would you be annoyed? Probably not. You’d likely be happy to help. The same principle applies in the gym. Most people enjoy sharing their knowledge, especially if they’re asked politely and at an appropriate time.
The Gender Dynamic
It can be especially intimidating for women to ask for help in a male-dominated space like the weight room. There’s an added layer of concern: Will this person take my question seriously? Will they talk down to me? Will they use this as an opportunity to hit on me?
These concerns are valid. The gym can sometimes feel unwelcoming to women, and approaching someone for help requires vulnerability. However, I can tell you that the majority of gym-goers are respectful and helpful. And if someone does respond inappropriately, that says everything about them and nothing about you. You have every right to ask for help and to expect that help to be delivered respectfully.
Who to Ask and How: Your Scriptbook
Now let’s get practical. Here’s exactly who to ask, when to ask them, and the specific words to use.
Target #1: The Personal Trainers and Staff
Why they’re your best bet: It’s literally their job to help you. Seriously. Whether they’re a personal trainer, a floor attendant, or front desk staff, helping gym members is part of their role. You are not bothering them. In fact, most trainers are thrilled when someone asks for help because it means you’re engaged and wanting to learn.
When to ask: The key is timing. Don’t interrupt a trainer who’s actively working with a client. Instead, approach them when they’re walking the floor, standing at the front desk, or clearly between sessions. If you’re not sure whether they’re available, you can start with, “Are you with a client right now?”
What to say:
- “Excuse me, when you have a moment, could you quickly show me how to use this machine?”
- “Hi, I’m new here. Could you help me adjust this equipment?”
- “I want to make sure I’m doing this exercise correctly. Could you watch my form for a rep or two?”
Keep it simple and direct. Trainers appreciate when you respect their time by being concise.
Target #2: The Regular Gym-Goer
How to spot them: Look for someone who appears knowledgeable, seems approachable (maybe they’ve smiled at you before or seem friendly), and is currently between sets. Avoid people who are in deep concentration, have headphones in and are clearly in their zone, or are in the middle of a challenging set.
When to ask: Timing is everything. Never interrupt someone mid-set. Wait until they’ve finished their set and are in their rest period. They’ll typically be standing or sitting near the equipment, catching their breath, possibly looking at their phone or workout tracker. This is the perfect window.
What to say for a spot:
- “Excuse me, could I get a quick spot on this set?” (A spot is when someone stands by to help you if you can’t complete a rep, most commonly used for bench press or squats)
- “Would you mind spotting me? I just need help on the last few reps.”
What to say for machine or exercise help:
- “Sorry to bother you, but I see you use this machine a lot. Could you give me a quick tip on the setup?”
- “I noticed you doing that exercise. What muscle does it work? I’m trying to figure out if it’s right for my program.”
Here’s a psychological tip: people love to be seen as experts. When you acknowledge that someone clearly knows what they’re doing and ask for their insight, you’re actually flattering them. Most people will be happy to share their knowledge.
The Power of a Workout Plan
One of the best ways to reduce the need to ask for help is to show up with a plan. Walking in with a structured workout on your workout tracker means you know exactly which exercises you’re doing, how many sets and reps, and what equipment you need. This clarity eliminates much of the confusion that leads to questions.
The 12reps app is the best strength training app for this. It includes exercise videos and instructions, so you can watch the demonstration before attempting the movement. You can build your entire workout at home, familiarise yourself with the exercises, and then execute confidently at the gym. Download it for a free trial and experience the difference that having a clear plan makes.
The Unspoken Rules of Asking for Help
Understanding gym etiquette will make your interactions smoother and more comfortable for everyone involved.
Be Quick and to the Point
Respect people’s time by having your question ready. Don’t start with a long preamble about your fitness journey or why you’re confused. Get straight to the point: “Could you show me how to adjust this seat?” is perfect. If they want to engage in more conversation, they will.
Read the Room
If someone has their headphones in, is clearly in deep focus with intense facial expressions, or is breathing heavily between sets of a challenging lift, choose someone else to ask. These are signs that the person is in their zone and doesn’t want to be interrupted. Look for someone who seems more relaxed and approachable.
Say Thank You
It sounds obvious, but a genuine “thank you” goes a long way. These small moments of courtesy make the gym a friendlier place for everyone. If someone takes time to help you, acknowledge it. A simple “Thanks so much, I really appreciate it” is perfect.
Don’t Ask for a Full Workout Plan
There’s a big difference between asking a quick question about equipment or form and asking someone to design your entire training program. A quick question is fine and appreciated. Asking a stranger to coach you through multiple exercises or create a program for you crosses a line. That’s what personal trainers are for, and they deserve to be compensated for that expertise.
If you find yourself needing more comprehensive help than a quick question can provide, that’s your sign to book a session with a personal trainer or follow a structured program through an app like 12reps.
Conclusion
Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows you’re committed to learning and getting better. It demonstrates that you care about doing things correctly rather than fumbling through and risking injury. The gym is a community, and most people are genuinely happy to be a part of your journey.
Remember the key points: trainers and staff are there specifically to help you, regular gym-goers are usually happy to answer quick questions if you approach them respectfully during their rest periods, and timing matters. Be concise, be courteous, and don’t be afraid to speak up.
Next time you’re stuck, use one of these scripts. Take a breath, approach someone, and ask your question. I promise it won’t be as scary as you think, and you’ll walk away with the information you need. And don’t forget to log your new exercise in your workout log. Every small step forward, including asking for help, is a win.
The only bad question is the one you don’t ask. Your fitness journey deserves to be informed, safe, and effective. Don’t let embarrassment hold you back from getting the help you need.
